LEDSOUL STUDIO

Agoraphobia. Some say its of open spaces, or crowded places. When in fact its the fear of being someplace that for one reason or another makes you very very uncomfortable. I suffered from it for a time. Panic attacks in crowded spaces, brought on by a subtle frustration pent up until I could no longer focus on what was happening until I needed to escape. I dealt with it.

The United States of America, known well for its abundant space and leisurely use of that space, unbounded in its self-glorified grandeur. Also known for having alot of people in some very tight corners of that place. That said, the space is indeed beautiful in many places, and those massive gatherings of people has made for some of the greatest cultural pavillions in the world to explore. I have a wanton to visit New York some day. But the key word there is visit.

I used the term America loosely, cause this is not an anti-american sentiment. What would the pot be calling the furnace black, theyre of the same metal, just one is smaller than the other. Canada to me has been my heritage in growing up here, yet this very culture is not that disimmilar to one someone may have experienced just south of us. So why would I fear the United States part of the Americas, in some Gringophobic anxiety. Ill sum it up in a short statement my father told me one day…

“When the boss in charge, starts cutting the budget and not spreading the funds where their needed, mechanics start taking short cuts in their work. Eventually gears dont get the grease and the motor fails. Medicine is the same, when people dont pay, they cut corners and some people die.” Ok not his exact words, but close enough.

Ive been fortunate to be in Canada where our “socialist” governement has taken care of the medical system and taken the weight off of the people to foot the bill. If I walk into the hospital, I dont even worry about money. Watching the news lately (A VERY DANGEROUS PASTTIME), it seems to me unless your really well off, being in the US with medical issues your a second class citizen and liable to be ignored.

Hold on Chuck! I dont want to jump on a political debate about the current healthcare system and the adjudication of the lazy, ignomious layman that takes advantage of a system. One way or another yeah everyone get taken care of. Meanwhile however there are some very mentally unhealthy people running around waiting for the public to take care of them. Which brings me to my next point of fear.

Guns. All that right-wing freedoms to bare arms free willied about with a dubious dealing to anyone that can present an ID frightens me greatly. Not so much the idea of someone having the guns, but the attitude that they can shoot at will and call it defense. Ok, its been said before, columbine and all that gangland joy in Detroit. Why kick a dead horse, we shot it 12 times already. Im just saying, its a frightening fact that ALOT of people die of gun fire. Seriously, why even count how many soldiers die in the middle east when 10 times as many has died in your own homeland.

Patriotism makes me twitch. I laughed at the reflection on a particular talent show when one of the judges (not american), said what the others wanted to say but couldnt cause perhaps they were american. ‘Its Cheezey’ I think that about sums up American Patiotism. The isocentric veiw that they are on top of the world. True or not, its like that sickening fat rich kid that flouts about how much more they have than everyone else. The frightening thing is its all pervasive in the US culture that its a running joke, even with in its own. I wont deny that every country has their patriotic movements, but. . . there is a whole world out there.

Population. Thats the grand excuse for all of the above. We have all these problems more than Canada, England and the rest of the world, cause of our population. Well thats a knicker of a problem you got there. So perhaps I should be more afraid of the population than any of the other issues.

Im just stating those fears that many have noted and I have felt. And no doubt many can argue them until the proverbial cows come home from their lecherous lives in Vegas. I have walked the crowded city streets here in Canada and in the US. Homelessness is everywhere. So are stupid people. The world is a crazy place. I just fear the most publicized and largest density of people with liberal ideas. (Some not so good) Its like they say, many stereotypes are based on some reality, no mater how skewed.

So I was at a good friends for dinner the other night. They had immigrated here to Canada from Nigeria. Nigeria is a wealthy country, not unlike the US. They are however right smack dab in the middle of the African continent where even the media fear to tread. She related stories of how often gangs of armed men would ransack a house regardless if you were home or not, take your valuables and leave. Im not talking huts of grass and straw, but houses, with iron bars and gates of steel. She related to me how she had held herself up in a guest room while her home was raided. And that it was not the first time it happened there. Thats why she came to Canada, where she finally after a long time, she could feel safe. Needless to say, she misses the warmth of Nigeria, both physical and social. (One may argue the balance between social standoffish feelings for security.)

They say many phobias are formed from rational fears. Spiders, drowning, falling, suffocating. But when they become irrational, the mear idea of them can cause a panic attack. Is it the idea of what is in the US that frightens me. Both of my sisters have lived in the US now for a large part of their lives. They seem comfortable with it, now. And they’re not dead. (I really wish my younger sister was better off.)

Perhaps many of my fears can be summed up to worries about my childs future on Earth in its present condition. Afterall, how much better off could she be in say… India.

I hate Math. Perhaps Hate is a strong word. I am very averse to it. Uninclined to understand the language of numeric theory. And then some genius thought that algebraic formula would help. It would help only if they drew me a picture, has anyone created pictorial… oh wait they did, Geometry. Geomaticians. Its a whole world of aliens, compared to my pathological intuitive understandings of the world.

So Im in class, taking thermodynamics and air systems design fundamentals and feeling more and more foreign. So I give kudos to those that can calculate clearly.

Technically speaking, I have fallen deeper into the feild of technical art (Drafting in some circles) and graphic design than I thought was possible. Im learning all this stuff about the stuff Im drawing to make the engineering look good. To be honest, its heavy and my brain is not designed, so to put it, to deal with it all.

Do I blame my parents and their genes or my upbringing for my educationally retardation.

No. I just learn different than other people. My older brother did this same course and is now an expert in his feild. (Not art, but actually buiding… buildings.)

My mother gave me a call today and expressed her dissappointment at my alleged statement about my daughter having more than I had. She stopped to remind me that she had less than I had, and her parents had even less. Its an interesting notion to consider the “progressive” nature of the generations in what ‘riches’ they may have had. I speak of course of material possessions. Ofcourse that was not my point. Although happy that she has plenty, my fear would be that with all the more material possession, perhaps my girl will loose sight of the love and spirit that we give her also. (Something Grama, reminded me of and I had to reassure her that I had not forgotten that either.)

Growing up I had plenty. Plenty enough. And wonder if I am mearly expressing on my daughter what I wished I may have had when I was her age. Perhaps unconsciously giving to her what I think would make her happier. When infact many children usually play with the box more than the actual toy sometimes. (Thus the warning lable on bags, telling parents that children will play with the packaging.)

We were in a parent teacher interview not too long ago. They had her ‘tested’ as her reading skils apparently are 8 grades above her current grade. That said, her other skills (math) are still at grade one level. (Her current grade.) This was facinating new and frightening at the same time. It meant she would excell very well in the reading and writing and arts. But struggle with math as I do. Again I am very grateful for a school like the one she is in with a arts immersion focus.

Diversity of skill and learning is a good thing, it makes for a world of differnt personalities. Accountants, Architechs and Artists. In the end, if my girl was more inclined to be an accountant, I would not stop her to do that, in so much as my parents did not stop me from becoming an artist.

Just a quick plug. Photography is one of those fine arts that is clearly a technical feild more people should have interest in… Check out my brother in laws pictures.

(Special thanks to the unnamed artist that created those warning lables on a software packaging.)

Hahah, I just love that name. You know a good net name can make an impression. I get all sorts of feed back on my psuedonym Ledsoul. Most just call me Led after a while. One guy I know even created a salute for me because of the name. (He would salute and then drop his hand like he was dropping a space helmet visor. Heheh.)

Anyway… My good friend Woody has been having great success creatively and I salute him for it… Check out his company, Cr1 Flight design. I had good hopes of helping him with his site, however time and circumstances, (AKA, life), didnt happen fast enough. LOL. Good thing he’s more resourceful than I am, cause his site is going to be great.
(Dropped his link in my Black Book, so you can call it up anytime, Kudos Mate!)

No I assure you this site is full of Led. Dont let your children eat it please.

Ive been off doing career changing and management of living in economically harsh times. What can one say, but that in a fix, most people do not consider art a nessessity, but a luxury. (Tell that to the sales person in the framing shop however.)

So my daughter is loving her Arts Academy and I cant help but think Why didnt we have such a luxury when we were children. Oh yeah I know, we were POOR ASS KIDS.

Not knocking the new wave of socio-economics in the world, however it just seems to me that alot of kids, regardless of social strata have alot more than I had as a child. Could also be that we are living in a large city, where I grew up in a small town environment. So if I do something like “deprive” my child of a cell phone, internet access, cable television and console instant action gaming, then am I doing them an injustice. I say welcome to the life of a gen X lover. Embrace creativity and use your freaking (literally) imagination.

I can remember growing up and having the most memorable fun just pretending. Not sitting watching a movie or playing a game, albeit those were fun, but the most creative fun I had was making up games or just playing them out. Hiya! Im the Karate Cat! Jumping around with the imaginings of fighting shadowy creatures that just came from no where. Just running around is the key phrase, not neccessarily talking about excersize so much as just being with yourself and the world around you.

Anyway… thats my two seconds of rant.

Im working happily now as a technical designer for a automation engineering company. And you know what, we still have creative fun in a scary world of engineers and computer drawn imagery. Go figure…

My wonderful and brilliant child Elycia has recently been enrolled in the Calgary Academy of Arts!

We did much research on this school before enrolling her there and they have me very pleased. I wish I had opportunities like this when I was younger. They give children freedom to experience life through art and just be children.

No authoritarianism or high autocratic demands, placing kids in rows with out of date text books. Rather, they use round tables and (still ofcourse following the governmental requirements for education), let the kids find their own research books like the rest of us in a Library.

That all aside, every subject from math, science, english and language studies to physical education, is taught using one or all of the 5 major arts. Literary, Graphic Art, Dance, Drama and Music! They actually engage kids in learning. This is the power of Art!

Ars longa, Vita Brevis - Art lasts forever, but life is breif.

SUB TEXT. . .
Spam is a net disease. Ive grown tired of it, so I must make people register and login in order to ‘filter’ out spam bots that buzz about here.

That aside, I appologize if youve come here looking for new material. My aches and pains have retarded my ability to do almost anything. So until I can properly manage my medical issues, please dont leave just yet.