August 25th, 2009

Agoraphobia. Some say its of open spaces, or crowded places. When in fact its the fear of being someplace that for one reason or another makes you very very uncomfortable. I suffered from it for a time. Panic attacks in crowded spaces, brought on by a subtle frustration pent up until I could no longer focus on what was happening until I needed to escape. I dealt with it.

Paper Sticks Rock !!

The United States of America, known well for its abundant space and leisurely use of that space, unbounded in its self-glorified grandeur. Also known for having alot of people in some very tight corners of that place. That said, the space is indeed beautiful in many places, and those massive gatherings of people has made for some of the greatest cultural pavillions in the world to explore. I have a wanton to visit New York some day. But the key word there is visit.

I used the term America loosely, cause this is not an anti-american sentiment. What would the pot be calling the furnace black, theyre of the same metal, just one is smaller than the other. Canada to me has been my heritage in growing up here, yet this very culture is not that disimmilar to one someone may have experienced just south of us. So why would I fear the United States part of the Americas, in some Gringophobic anxiety. Ill sum it up in a short statement my father told me one day…

“When the boss in charge, starts cutting the budget and not spreading the funds where their needed, mechanics start taking short cuts in their work. Eventually gears dont get the grease and the motor fails. Medicine is the same, when people dont pay, they cut corners and some people die.” Ok not his exact words, but close enough.

Ive been fortunate to be in Canada where our “socialist” governement has taken care of the medical system and taken the weight off of the people to foot the bill. If I walk into the hospital, I dont even worry about money. Watching the news lately (A VERY DANGEROUS PASTTIME), it seems to me unless your really well off, being in the US with medical issues your a second class citizen and liable to be ignored.

Hold on Chuck! I dont want to jump on a political debate about the current healthcare system and the adjudication of the lazy, ignomious layman that takes advantage of a system. One way or another yeah everyone get taken care of. Meanwhile however there are some very mentally unhealthy people running around waiting for the public to take care of them. Which brings me to my next point of fear.

Guns. All that right-wing freedoms to bare arms free willied about with a dubious dealing to anyone that can present an ID frightens me greatly. Not so much the idea of someone having the guns, but the attitude that they can shoot at will and call it defense. Ok, its been said before, columbine and all that gangland joy in Detroit. Why kick a dead horse, we shot it 12 times already. Im just saying, its a frightening fact that ALOT of people die of gun fire. Seriously, why even count how many soldiers die in the middle east when 10 times as many has died in your own homeland.

Patriotism makes me twitch. I laughed at the reflection on a particular talent show when one of the judges (not american), said what the others wanted to say but couldnt cause perhaps they were american. ‘Its Cheezey’ I think that about sums up American Patiotism. The isocentric veiw that they are on top of the world. True or not, its like that sickening fat rich kid that flouts about how much more they have than everyone else. The frightening thing is its all pervasive in the US culture that its a running joke, even with in its own. I wont deny that every country has their patriotic movements, but. . . there is a whole world out there.

Population. Thats the grand excuse for all of the above. We have all these problems more than Canada, England and the rest of the world, cause of our population. Well thats a knicker of a problem you got there. So perhaps I should be more afraid of the population than any of the other issues.

Im just stating those fears that many have noted and I have felt. And no doubt many can argue them until the proverbial cows come home from their lecherous lives in Vegas. I have walked the crowded city streets here in Canada and in the US. Homelessness is everywhere. So are stupid people. The world is a crazy place. I just fear the most publicized and largest density of people with liberal ideas. (Some not so good) Its like they say, many stereotypes are based on some reality, no mater how skewed.

So I was at a good friends for dinner the other night. They had immigrated here to Canada from Nigeria. Nigeria is a wealthy country, not unlike the US. They are however right smack dab in the middle of the African continent where even the media fear to tread. She related stories of how often gangs of armed men would ransack a house regardless if you were home or not, take your valuables and leave. Im not talking huts of grass and straw, but houses, with iron bars and gates of steel. She related to me how she had held herself up in a guest room while her home was raided. And that it was not the first time it happened there. Thats why she came to Canada, where she finally after a long time, she could feel safe. Needless to say, she misses the warmth of Nigeria, both physical and social. (One may argue the balance between social standoffish feelings for security.)

They say many phobias are formed from rational fears. Spiders, drowning, falling, suffocating. But when they become irrational, the mear idea of them can cause a panic attack. Is it the idea of what is in the US that frightens me. Both of my sisters have lived in the US now for a large part of their lives. They seem comfortable with it, now. And they’re not dead. (I really wish my younger sister was better off.)

Perhaps many of my fears can be summed up to worries about my childs future on Earth in its present condition. Afterall, how much better off could she be in say… India.

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